Reflections: Torment

Torment is the first poem in the third section of Reflections titled, Of Things. I believe the poem speaks for itself in a way that most people can relate to, so, without further ado:

Torment

…I fall asleep
.
.
.
I awake
Memories flood my mind What started them?
They simply are
What they are
I feel emptiness
A hole
In my stomach
My face is wet
Hot tears streaming
Run cold onto my pillow
I try to
Compose myself
Nothing avails
I surrender to
A Tsunami

The questions start
Could it have all been different?
Where did it all go wrong?
Why wasn’t I stronger?

The hole widens
The emptiness
Grows deeper
My throat hurts

My eyes itch
I rub them hard
The more I struggle
To regain posture…
Control
The more I lose
I physically hurt
My sore throat
Throbs
My nose
Is stuffed
I cannot breathe
I open
My mouth
It’s dry
I struggle
I breathe

My partner
Lies sleeping
Blessed oblivion

I feel alone
Finally
I sit up
2:50am?
How long?
A hour perhaps?
Two?
An eternity?
This has to stop!

I take a deep,
Deep breath
Mouth open
I rise
Mechanically
Slip on
My slippers
Don my robe
Go downstairs
Hallway
Living room
Kitchen
I make coffee
I sit
I ponder
Coffee in hand
Deliberately sipping I Ponder some more:

Where did all that come from?
Not the first time
Nor the last
This I know
Of this
I am certain
This
My only answer
I drain my coffee

Lethargy sets in
Drained
Exhausted
Mechanically
I head back
Living room
Hallway
Stairs
Bedroom
Drop my robe
Knock off
My slippers

I sit down

5:00am?
I shiver
The coldness
The night air
I slide into bed
Pull up the duvet
It feels
Lovely
Soft
Comforting
Warm
I fall asleep…