Excerpt from Caboodle & The Whole Kit


I love the opera, but nothing had prepared me for what was about to happen. I decided I’d go to France and watch a show there. Since I am pretty fluent in Spanish I didn’t think it would be a problem.

I couldn’t understand a bloody word of it! Then I remembered, oh yes, this is France… trust the French to have to do things differently! No wonder nobody ever understands them!

Anyway the show was good and had a lot of action and great music in it. It was all about this guy in a mask trying to seduce a beautiful woman. She thought he was an angel sent by her dead father and she was in love with some other guy. Well the first guy didn’t like her being in love with someone else, so he seduced/kidnapped the woman and tried to make her marry him. (Bit loony that one!) Anyway, the guy she really loved saved her from him in the end.

After the show, I was minding my own, as you do, and decided I’d have a nice stroll back to my hotel when upon passing a dark alleyway around the back of the opera, I heard a strange sound and that’s how I ended up interviewing, The Phantom of The Opera!

Phantom: Psst!

Kev: Hello. Is someone there?

Phantom: Psst (a shadowy cloaked figure beckons

Kev to follow him)

Kev: Are you sure this is wise, it’s rather dark and cold down here?

Phantom: Fear not, I am your Angel!

Kev: Really? Oh well that’s all right then.  

The Phantom leads Kev down through a labyrinth underneath the opera house. It’s cold, damp and there are candles and broken pieces of glass like shattered mirrors everywhere. They stop by an enclave in the cave. There is an old bust of a woman wrapped in a rather old and shabby wedding dress and what is left of the veil. The Phantom motions Kev to sit.  

Phantom: Are you Kev?

Kev: That’s right, but you already know that ’cause you’re an angel, right?

Phantom: Ah yes, quite right.  

Kev: So, what can I do for you?

Phantom: I need you to interview me, of course!  

Kev: Ah… Well it just so happens I brought my trusty pen and have a pad in my coat pocket. (Kev produces the pen and pad to show as evidence)

Phantom: Excellent! Let us begin!

Kev: Well what I normally do is start by saying, in a generalised way, tell us a little about yourself. Where you grew up, siblings, family life, education, and how you got to where you are now, but being an angel, I’m not sure that will do for you.  

Phantom: Oh no, that just will not do! I do not wish to go into my childhood… it is full of horror and pain! I was abused and beaten because of my facial deformity, you see… hence the mask!

Kev: (The penny drops) Hang on a minute… Where are we?

Phantom: In the catacombs beneath the opera house. This is my lair!

Kev: You’re no angel! You imposter. You’re, you’re… The Phantom! Aren’t you?

Phantom: I am an angel. Ask Christine, she’ll tell you! She even said as much when she followed as I coaxed her to my lair. She sang only for me. She was my angel of music! She loved only me.

Kev: Can’t you see, that only proves that you seduced her?

Phantom: I loved her! And she would have loved me too if it wasn’t for that meddling Raoul!  

Kev: (He sounds like a villain from Scooby Doo now!) But didn’t she love Raoul rather than yourself? (Kev sees an object in the cave and picks it up) Look! Is this not her engagement ring?

Phantom: How dare you! I should run you through for your insolence! I have my sword!

Kev: And I sir, have my pen! (The pen is mightier than the sword and all that… wink, wink.)

Phantom: Trait de plume! (Meaning: the stroke of the pen!)

Kev: (Thinks hes being invited to go for Scooby snacks and plums. It fits with his impression of the French eating strange things at odd times of the day) No thanks, not hungry! Ooh, look at the time, must be off.   

Phantom: But what will you make of our interview?

Kev: I’ll tell everyone that you didn’t really mean to do any harm and it was all done for love! (Smiles)

Phantom: Oh, that’s alright then. Cheers Kev!

Kev: Don’t mention it.

Relaxing episodes of life, family, love & romance, faith, and even the odd, inadvertent run-ins with some quite unsavoury fictional characters. This anthology of short stories, poetry, and songs also includes the latest edition of KC’s popular short story: The Devil’s Apology.

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12 thoughts on “Excerpt from Caboodle & The Whole Kit

  1. I most certainly did. It made a nice change to my usual writing. I have three more such interviews in caboodle which is why I decided to group them together in a work. If I get back into writing more character interviews, I might wait until I have a good collection of them and publish as a stand-alone work.

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  2. Lol. I think one would have to be familiar with the story to get my gist of it. Happy to make anyone laugh. I have three more such interviews in Caboodle. 🙂


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