Tranquil Fury

It was just a normal school day…until the accident. However, when the four bus-mates wake, stranded on another world, with two of their friends injured, even stranger events begin to happen. Rescued by a lone traveler, who is a magic student, he takes them in search of elfin healers, but on that trip Lauren and Logan, fraternal twins, are adopted by divine benefactors, giving them both knowledge and powers. Eventually, they find themselves in the dwarven mine of the Ironhouse clan, and once there, the mysteries begin to unfold, including the biggest of them all; why would four-foot tall dwarves forge a six-foot long sword? Here you will find a fresh, fast-paced adventure, with unique characters, odd circumstances, unusual events, with an exceptional and original story line.

Review: I really wanted this to be good. The premise for this work is good, and the story has a lot of potential. There is some originality which for me puts this between two and three stars, but there were far too many errors. PG basically stumbled on all the common beginner writer’s errors in this work. Adverbs, preps, overuse of Gerunds/Participles… or a dozen uses of “having” in one paragraph for example. Far too many repetitions. It’s a shame because this could be a really good story.

I’d recommend at least running this through Grammarly/Prowritingaid or some other such basic free editing tool, and then getting a couple or more beta readers take a look at it. Although none of these should be used as a substitute for hiring an editor… Have it doctored PG and go for a second edition. I’d recommend readers wait for the second edition.